Tag Archives: emotions

An Open Letter to Haley

hello-decemberHi guys, happy December! Get ready for excessive Christmas carols, tons of hot cocoa and random mistletoe! ūüôā

If you’re wondering why I’ve been MIA again, let me just share that I’ve been working behind the scenes on my first ever musical with school, performing in Disney’s Candlelight Processional, becoming very familiar with two of Shakespeare’s plays and doing lots and lots and lots of – you guessed it! Homework!

Perhaps I’ll share more on that in another post. In the meantime…candlelight

This post is something I’ve been wanting¬†to write for quite some time. This past May, my best friend (we’ll call her Haley) decided to¬†end our friendship.

Haley and I had been best friends since 6th grade and she easily became a part of my family. Middle school was a rocky road and though we had many disagreements, we always managed to come back stronger and become even more inseparable during our friendship.

high-school-is-the-time-to-find-yourselfLast school year, she and I both¬†underwent many changes. Both of our personalities, views and morals changed significantly and we found ourselves disagreeing on many things in life. We each “found ourselves” and while I didn’t see the change in myself during those times, I did see that Haley was a completely different person.

She was more positive, uplifting and spiritual. She knew how to recover from hard times quickly and she didn’t let negative things drag her down for more than a day, something that I am only learning how to do now.

During the last several months of our friendship, we began to grow apart. And while I understood that we were becoming different people, I didn’t understand what was happening when Haley stopped talking to me.

sos my fave person disappeared.pngThere was no warning. One day we were fine talking about everything under the sun and the next day she wouldn’t speak to me nor look at me.

As the days continued just like that, I was confused. And so, I tried calling her a number of times. After not receiving any responses, I settled on sending her an email explaining to her how confused I was and how much this was affecting me emotionally.

She finally replied, but her response didn’t help to ease my pain at all. She put everything on me, and basically said I had been a bad friend to her. According to her, I complained too much and she didn’t need my negative energy in her life.

Ever since I received her response, I’ve pondered over what I could’ve possibly done wrong and I’ve become paranoid about venting to much of my current friends in fear of “complaining too much”.

letting-go-does-not-mean-giving-upAll in all, I’ve let this affect me way longer than just one day. I told myself that it was okay to cry over this and that it was okay to feel sad because I’d lost someone that had been a huge part of my life for three and a half years. After watching myself grow sad on a daily basis this past month and losing motivation to do anything productive, I decided that letting go of Haley is past due.

The time has come. And the time is now.

And so, I’ve decided that today will be the¬†last time I’ll vent about Haley and feel sad about the situation. From now on, everything involving Haley will be viewed as a happy memory, because I have allowed myself to¬†be consumed by this and it’s time that I go back to being¬†the strong girl I’ve known myself to be.

My open letter to Haley.

Hey Haley, 

I hope life is going well and that sophomore year has been good to you so far. I’ve been alright, but I haven’t been the same since we stopped talking. I didn’t have the closure that I needed to get through losing such an important person¬†in my life.¬†

Sometimes, I still feel like everything was my fault even though I know it really isn’t, because it takes two to create a friendship, maintain a friendship and even break¬†a friendship.

I’ve thought about it, whether or not I was a good friend to you. I listened to you. I kept your secrets. I let you vent to me whenever you needed to. I helped build you up and reminded you to be confident. Not once have I ever tried to tear you down. I let you become a part of my family. I allowed you to cry on my shoulder. I was a column of support to you.

None of that screams “bad friend” in my opinion.¬†

If what I offered to you as a friend¬†was not enough for you, then that’s okay. I’m sorry that you felt our friendship needed to end,¬†and I apologize for the constant complaints throughout some difficult times of my life, but you were my best¬†friend, the closest person to me, and I thought that friends were there so you could vent to them, have them¬†to help you feel better, and not make you feel guilty for being sad from day to day.

take-chances-make-mistakesWe both have flaws, Haley. Neither one of us are perfect. Both of us had bad days.

We both complained.

We both vented.

We both made mistakes.

But that’s all a part of growing up. We¬†make mistakes so we¬†can grow from them, learn from them and move forward.

If I knew the reasons as to why you chose to stop talking¬†to me, perhaps¬†I could’ve learned something and grown from those reasons too.¬†

You walked out of my life so quickly and with no warning, like it was nothing. It didn’t seem to affect you in the slightest. It felt like I didn’t even matter to you.

But you mattered to me a lot. I’ve spent 7 months missing your friendship. 7 months wondering. 7 months afraid to get close to any other friends because I’m scared that they too will disappear with no warning.¬†

Even though I don’t know what my mistakes were, I’m so frightened that I’ll make the same ones.

7 months is 7 months too many, and I’ve decided that regardless of having no closure and not knowing what went wrong, I have to let you go.¬†

And so, I want to thank you.

Thank you for building me up when I needed you and being my support system even late at night. You were such a blessing to have in my life and I will always cherish the memories and the inside jokes that no one else will ever understand.

And even though it hurts so much to say this, thank you for showing me who my real friends are.

I hope you find what you’re looking for in life and that the people you surround yourself with are as positive as you wanted me to be.

positive-vibesI’m finding my positivity ever so slowly, and it all starts with letting you go.

I know it will all be okay.

Blessed be,

~ Rina Raj

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Amy’s Dad Dilemma – What Would YOU Do? P.2

Hey everyone! Let’s take a trip down memory lane. Some of you may¬†remember my good friend Amy and her summer dilemma regarding her father (read¬†Amy’s Summer Dilemma – What Would YOU Do?).

To sum it up, Amy had a situation with her father during the summer and in the end, she decided it would be best to not visit him when the summer was over. Well, Amy needs our help once again.

After the situation occurred during the summer, Amy decided to write her father a letter in order to express her feelings to him.

At first, Amy’s attempted letters were¬†ruthless attacks, offensive just me when i finish a letter at 3 amlanguage and resulted in lots of tears. Amy then changed her mind about writing a letter since she was expressing too much negativity.¬†But then one night, she had a sudden inspiration.

She wrote a two page letter to her father.

The letter took her a total of 3 hours to finish.

After writing the letter and mailing it, Amy’s dad called to speak with her¬†sister, Sarah. After the conversation, Sarah informed Amy that their father said he¬†had not opened Amy’s letter, nor¬†did he plan to.dear music i will never be able to thank you enough for always being there for me

Amy felt like an idiot for convincing herself that her time and effort spent writing this letter was going to pay off. She wanted to express herself in a peaceful manner, letting him know how she had felt and that she loved him.

But now, she felt even more upset.

After weeks went by, Amy was able to brush it off and focus solely on her summer camps and song writing.

The summer ended and the new school year began. Amy began conversing with her stepmother. One day, her stepmom called to share the big news.

its a girlAmy was going to be a big sister.

At first she was extremely excited and started mentally planning out the baby shower, the cute little outfits she could save up to get for her little sister. And then it hit her like a bus.

How was she going to see the baby, and help with the shower, if she and her father weren’t speaking?

After coming to this realization, Amy found it hard to be excited about the new baby. She decided not to worry about it too¬†much and figured this situation¬†with her dad wouldn’t drag on forever. Eventually, everything would be okay.

Well, months went by.

i try to act like it doesn't bother me but my dad not caring makes me more upset than i like to admitOne evening, Amy volunteered at Sarah’s concert. And Amy’s father attended. When he approached the entrance way with Amy’s stepmom, Amy felt her dad didn’t acknowledge her and so Amy didn’t acknowledge him either. Her stepmom was happy to see her and expressed that.

After some time went by (they had to wait outside for a period of time since the concert was already in progress)…

“So, you’re not¬†going to say hello?” Amy’s father was now interested in speaking with her and insisted on doing so, but Amy was in the middle of working¬†at the entrance way. ¬†It was not a good time to talk, Amy needed to stay focused and she¬†expressed that.

Since that evening, Amy has felt confused. Why would she be the one to initiate conversation after not hearing from him?  Now she was ten times more confused.

when people treat you like they don't care, beleive themAmy has asked many of us for¬†advice and the responses are typically,¬†“He’s your dad.”

Amy couldn’t take it anymore and recently, she lost it.

“My dad? Of course he’s my dad, but has he raised me? Does he support my dreams or does he only care about himself? He has been to only 3 out of my 13 performances, and 1¬†out of the 5¬†concerts! And it’s not like he was out of town for all of them. He doesn’t even know me! I’ll bet if I asked him what my favorite color is,¬†he wouldn’t know the answer. I’ll bet if¬†he asked what I wanted from Starbucks and I said “the usual” he wouldn’t come back with¬†the right drink. All he’s ever done is told me what I’m doing wrong and who the heck is he to talk?! But you know what, it’s okay. We have to learn from our mistakes, right? And now I know how NOT to¬†treat a kid.”having kids doesn't make you a father raising them does

Amy is going through a really rough patch right now. She feels like her dad doesn’t care, that he never has.

Her letter was a way to get him to listen to her – without him yelling at her – in hopes to validate her feelings and understand why she wasn’t ready to visit.

As much as my friend¬†pretends that she is fine, it’s easy to tell that¬†she’s not okay. She’s hurting.

I know in time this experience will¬†make her¬†much¬†stronger. But right now, she’s not there yet. She needs encouragement and¬†words of wisdom.

If you were in Amy’s situation, what would YOU do? ¬†Do you have any suggestions or words of advice? Please share in the comments below, I know¬†she would really appreciate it!

Until next time!

~Rina Raj

 

Bullies are Like Boogers… No One Likes Them.

This week, I’d like to write about a topic I’ve been wanting to write about for quite some time. Bullying.ouch bullying hurts

The dictionary’s definition of bullying is “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance.”

Unwanted.

Bullying may be unwanted but it is also¬†unneeded. Many of us have¬†enough on our¬†plates and just don’t need someone picking on us¬†all the time.

dont talk about me until you have talked to me dont underestimate me until you challenge me dont judge me until you know meAnd the one thing that confuses me is why so many people get bullied even after movies like Cyberbully came out.

It seems to me like some people get pleasure from making others feel bad about themselves.

A few years ago, one of my friends had a very traumatizing experience with some bullies.

Let’s call her Nancy.

Nancy had just broken up with her first boyfriend, and she had a perfectly valid reason to. She wasn’t ready for a relationship. Nancy’s ex-boyfriend (let’s call him Derek) didn’t take kindly to that and wound up spreading rumors that he had broken up with Nancy because she¬†wanted to get physically intimate with him.

Talk about not handling the situation very well.

Within a matter of days, everyone that knew Nancy and Derek believed theyou dont know their story dont judge rumors that Derek and his friends had spread about Nancy. Behind her back (and to her face), Nancy was called a “slut” and a “whore”.

Even some of her friends were gossiping about her and assuming the worst without even talking to Nancy about it first.

It tore her up to have people so close to her turn their backs and become part of the problem, especially when none of it was even true.

And yes, eventually the rumors faded and everything went back to being as normal as it possibly could, but those memories stuck with Nancy, and she probably won’t ever forget them.

I have another friend who is currently being picked on. We’ll nickname her Becky.

Becky isn’t the most athletic person on earth, and this results deathballin her hiding during dodgeball.

Hiding = not getting hit.

Not getting hit = not getting out.

(For those who do not understand the game of dodgeball, if you get hit by the ball, then you’re out of the game.)

Not getting out = last one left.

As the last one left on her team, the rest of the team consented to yelling at her to catch a ball so one of them could get back in.

Catching a ball wasn’t really the first thing on her mind when she got pelted from all angles.

Recently, one of the older guys in her class has been picking on her because of her lack of athletic ability. A couple weeks ago, she found out that he gets bullied as well. This detail only made her more angry.

“I get it, okay? He gets picked on, but that is¬†no excuse for him to make me
feel like I’m worth nothing and I’m a fail at everything when in reality the one thing I can’t do is catch a dodgeball.¬†You want me to feel sorry for him? Maybe if he didn’t make me feel so sorry for myself, I would.”

So to sum this up, bullying is not fun. It may make you feel like a better you because you’re on a higher status than the person you’re picking on, but in reality…. your status is way, way deep down in the cellar.dont stand by stand up stand strong stand together

As deep down as love in the Grinch’s heart. *BA-DUM-TSS*

Have any of you dealt with situations similar to Nancy and Becky? What are your experiences with bullying? Do share!

Until next time!

~Rina Raj