Tag Archives: advice

“Self confidence is the best outfit…”

hello aprilHey guys! Happy April ūüôā

This past month has¬†consisted of reading about a guy stuck on a lifeboat with a tiger (the book is called Life of Pi, or should I say, Life of Die…¬†*ba dum tss*), performing at MPA for chorus (and receiving a superior rating!!!), lots of writing (this book isn’t going to finish itself), spring break, meeting Lilly Singh aka Superwoman (AHHH!), performing in my first ever theatre production, getting inducted into Thespians (basically, the honor society for theatre… aka the dark side) and struggling with my self confidence.

Yes. Confidence. IMG_6656

The thing every girl thinks she has until…

You aren’t pretty.”

You need to put some makeup on.

She’s hotter than you.”

No one wants to date you.”

Lose some weight.”

I’m prettier than you are.

You aren’t good enough.

haters gonna hate potatoes gonna potateI know. It seems unreal that girls still get put down like that, but it happens. And from personal experience, allow me to say that it truly does suck.

All throughout freshman year, I struggled tremendously with self love. I didn’t feel comfortable going to school without contacts and eyeliner on, and “pretty” wasn’t a thing I considered myself to be.

Going into sophomore year, I was determined to love myself more and be confident in how I looked, regardless of what I was wearing.

I made a conscious effort to look in the mirror everyday and learned to love what I saw, whether it be a really tired Rina with glasses on, or a Rina with some really nice eyeshadow and a smile. Would you believe it worked?! I was happy with myself and I felt good starting my days.

But of course, this didn’t last for long.theres no need to be perfect to inspire others let others get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections

About a month ago, someone¬†at school called me ugly and told me I was “the most unwanted girl on the planet”. And I hate to admit it, but I let this person’s comment affect the confidence I had built up.

I no longer felt good about myself.

When I looked in the mirror, I detested what I saw and I desperately wanted to change my appearance. After months and months of telling myself I was beautiful and strengthening my self love,¬†I didn’t think¬†I was good enough.

My negative mindset tore me down and caused me to become super insecure. This led up to a really rough night I experienced just a couple weeks ago.

I was feeling especially horrible about myself and when a certain someone made a comment about how my achievement wasn’t a real achievement, I was pushed over the edge. In the moment, I felt like no one cared about me and I could not stop crying. I started wishing that I was better looking, more talented and anything but myself.

I was upset because certain people didn’t like me, but I was oblivious to¬†all of the people¬†who do.

we get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind pretty funny pretty smart pretty strongThat night, I vented to three close friends about how I was feeling, and each of them comforted me the best they could. I’d like to share a bit of what they said to me.

Friend #1:Rina, you’re very strong and level headed. Even though I haven’t known you for long, you’re one of the greatest friends I’ve had and you really understand me. You’re the friend that I needed at this point in time and you have no reason to be insecure when you’re such a great person. And if other people can’t see that, so what? To be honest, the only opinion that matters about you is your opinion.

Friend #2:Rina, it’s¬†okay. You’re self confidence does not need to be affected by anyone, alright? You are such a great person and you have me to support you and you have [Friend #1] to support you and you have your other friends to support you. You are good enough, I promise, and there are people who see that and people who¬†don’t. You don’t deserve to feel this way. Thank you so much for your friendship and for being a part of my life. You are good enough, and it doesn’t matter if other people don’t see that, because I do. And so should you.its nice to be told

Friend #3:First off, you’re gorgeous. Second, why does it matter? You are so strong and always such a positive person, and there is no way that one stupid comment should ruin all of that for you. There are so many people who look up to you and who want to be as inspiring¬†as you are. Sure, pretty is great, but it is in no way as important as being the amazing friend that you are.

its not your job to like me its mineMy friends brought a lot of things to light for me. Why wasn’t I paying attention to my opinion of myself instead of focusing on everyone else’s? Why couldn’t I see that I was good enough? And why did it matter that not everyone found me “pretty” when there are more important things than appearance?

The answer is simple:¬†I hadn’t learned how to love all of my flaws.courage is accepting that you're full of flaws and learning to love each and every one of them

When mastering my self confidence earlier this¬†year, I’d focused on loving the physical aspects of myself, but not my personality.

There, mis amigos, is the issue. I’d claimed to love myself,¬†but I didn’t. And because I didn’t love myself, the fact that others didn’t love me was an issue.

This is something common with¬†almost every teenage girl nowadays. We are so caught up in our looks and what others think of our physical appearance that we forget beauty isn’t just about how pretty we are. We are so caught up in making sure others like us that we forget to like ourselves.beauty isn't about having a pretty face it is about having a pretty mind a pretty hears and most importantly a pretty soul

The day you are able to see your flaws and love them is the day that you will truly be happy with who you are.

Recently, I’ve noticed that as I grow to love different aspects of myself, certain people don’t like me anymore. That’s going to happen. But the day I learn to love myself fully is the day the right people will love me. I’m going to be judged no matter what I look like and what my beliefs are, but I won’t be loved by the right people until I’ve learned to be myself and love who I am.there is nothing more rare nor more beautiful than a woman being unapologetically herself comfortable in her perfect imperfection to me that is the true essence of beauty

In other words, if someone doesn’t like you for who you are, then they aren’t someone you need in your life. When you are yourself, the right people will like you.

Be yourself. Be confident. Love your flaws.

Your flaws make you who you are.

And you are beautiful.

Until next time,

~ Rina Raj

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DON’T TOUCH MAH SPACE! Questions and Answers

october lolHi everyone, Happy October! ūüôā

For this week‚Äôs Typical Tuesday, I decided to do a Q/A blog post. I‚Äôve received several questions and comments from many of you and so,¬†I’ve decided to answer a couple¬†today! ūüôāQ&A

For privacy reasons, I won‚Äôt name any of the individuals¬†who have asked these questions. I‚Äôll use their initials instead. ¬†Here we go! ūüôā

Q: I’m concerned about some of my friends. Some of them¬†are not getting enough sleep, or eating breakfast and lunch. Occasionally they eat dinner, but when I ask why they skip meals, they say they ‘don’t feel like eating‚Äô. I try my best to help them out by sharing my lunch, but they are starting to get upset¬†at me for pestering them to stay alive. What should I do? ‚Äď I.F.
helping others

A: Wow, I think your friends are probably stressed. And I feel many of us can probably relate to this, including myself.

If your friends aren‚Äôt even remotely hungry, it could¬†be the stress as a result of¬†their classes, the amount of¬†¬†homework they may have, or a test they may need to take. It’s so wonderful of you to want to share your lunch and help your friends however, it will be difficult to¬†help them unless they open to receive¬†the help.

I can say from personal experience that when I don’t want help with something, and someone continues to offer the help anyway, I get seriously annoyed.

Of course, your scenario is a bit different. These are your friends and you’re obviously worried about them not eating, which would concern anyone to say the least.

As to what you should do, explain your concern to your friends and ask if they would like your help. Let them know you are concerned for them. If they choose to not receive your help, then you will need to respect their decision. ¬†Hopefully in time, they will come to you however if needed. At least they’ll know they have a friend they can count on. ūüėČ

Q: I have a friend who I have known for about a year now and our friendship is okay at times, fun at times, and then horrible at times. Sometimes I try to keep my distance but I have found this to be¬†impossible. She physically abuses me by hitting me in the face with textbooks, kicking me, or hitting me on the head really hard. I tell her to stop but she doesn‚Äôt. We carpool to school sometimes and I share things with her but sometimes I feel like she is a bad influence to me. The truth is, I feel uncomfortable at times. How can I keep my distance from her but still stay friends with her? ‚Äď H.S.

A: Wow, it just so happens that I can relate to this. Now granted, I’ve never been in a situation where one of my friends physically abused me by hitting me and such, but I have been in a situation where a friend did hurt me emotionally.

It was basically the same concept; we laughed together, shared secrets withmaleficent each other and did all of that BFF stuff, but sometimes she became as evil as Maleficent!

She’d insult me and make me feel like I wasn’t¬†fit to be on the planet. And then the next day, she’d go back to treating me like we’re¬†best friends. My solution was to cut her off completely. She was making me feel bad about myself and I wasn’t at all comfortable being around her. Of course I felt bad about distancing myself from her, but it helped my confidence increase and improved my¬†mood a lot.

Your friend doesn’t seem as though she is aware of your personal boundaries, and your space bubble should never be invaded, especially if you feel uncomfortable. It’s only natural that you would feel uncomfortable¬†about this.personal space

Since¬†you’ve tried telling her to stop hitting you, I’d say the next step is to talk to her about it during one of those great¬†days you both share. Make it clear to her¬†that you don’t appreciate the abuse and that she needs to stop. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries and¬†continues the same behaviors, then you may need to distance yourself completely.

Sure you can remain friends, yes, but remember that true friendship comes with respect.

I hope that my answers to your questions are helpful and I will try to address more of these Q/A’s in the near future. I really enjoyed reading your questions, comments and of course, sharing my experiences.¬† ūüôā

Now readers, if you can relate to these two individuals and have some additional suggestions you’d like to share,¬†please comment below. I’m sure these individuals would appreciate it.

Until next time!

~ Rina Raj