Category Archives: Confidence

Being Suicidal Isn’t Craving Attention, It’s Craving Redemption

Hi everyone! Welcome to my first official Typical Tuesday blog post! 🙂

Recently, I encountered a situation involving a person very close to me. I felt the need to write about it because I’ve seen many of these situations before, and mostly all of them have dealt with people in my inner circle.

These people have felt so unvalued, unloved and unimportant that they resorted to believing that the world would be a better place without them.

it can't rain foreverSadly, I’m talking about people who are suicidal.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, suicide is the act of taking your life voluntarily, or ending your life. Believe it or not, the highest suicide rates and suicide attempt rates are between the ages of 15-24, so this topic applies to teens.

Now, the first reaction that some of my suicidal friends have received when they attempted to talk to family members or other close friends about their situation was merely, “You want to kill yourself? Gosh, you’re stupid. You need to get over it . You just want attention.” This is one reason why some teens who are suicidal pretend, or think, that they’re fine.im fine

Suicidal people don’t want to end their life because they’re “stupid” or “just want attention”. They just want to stop feeling like everything is their fault and that the world would be better without them.

They want to stop crying late into the night, and feeling that sinister urge to hurt themselves.

They want to end the pain they feel every second of every day, and stop letting themselves be pushed to the bottom feeling as though they’re a “nothing”.

They want to feel important and as though people care about them. I should know having watched one of my closest friends go through this.

A few years ago, one of my dear friends was completely and utterly depressed. She felt as though no one cared about her and no one would bat an eye if she was to disappear.

i know your notShe shared that she would cry herself to sleep and dreaded waking up to go face the world the next day.

At school, she’d smile and laugh and smile some more, but no one could see past the mask and into her soul where everything was hurting and everything was breaking.

Every push and every insult from anyone would pull her to the back of her mind, where all the empty words had drifted. And they’d hit her like reality, so she’d hurt herself.

Her thought process was always that the tears would hurt more than the blade across her wrist, and that the sting was a way to get all the emotions out.

For anyone reading this, if you’re experiencing the same or feel the need to hurt yourself – please don’t do it.

There are other ways to deal with the emotions and release the pain other than embedding a scar into your skin, or taking a drastic chance. You can write about it to express your feelings, or you can seek counseling. My friend’s personal choice was writing music.

From listening to some of her music, I gathered that the depression was slowly fading and that she was coming to the point where music was becoming therapeutic for her.

She shared that her depression and suicidal thoughts slowly came to an end when her family, and a few of her friends, threw her a surprise birthday party. focus on what matters

The surprise party helped her realize that even though she couldn’t always see it, people did care about her.

When she went to sleep that night, she promised herself that she wasn’t going to hurt herself anymore. She wasn’t going to believe that she didn’t matter to anyone just because certain people didn’t care.

And even though there were always going to be others that wanted to make her feel small and enjoyed watching her break, there were supporters who wanted to see her succeed and valued her for the person she was.

In all honesty, it doesn’t matter what others think of you. All that matters is what you think of yourself. As long as you believe you are worth it, you are beautiful, intelligent and talented, you can pull through anything.

I myself have battled with depression at one point, but I’ve been able to overcome it with the right support system. Also, helping my friends get through their dark times reminded me to never allow depression to take me down that road.

I have another friend who was also depressed and suicidal and her reason was because she felt she was not beautiful. She is absolutely gorgeous by the way, but of course she was not joking and was serious about how she felt about herself.

After a month of listening to her rant and rave, I took her to the bathroom and asked her to look into the mirror.

“Rina, I just see mthe mirror can liee. And it isn’t a nice view.”

“Shut up, you’re gorgeous, but that doesn’t matter, okay? Look past your face. What do you see?”

“I don’t know what you want me to do.”

“Well, I see an awesome girl with a great sense of humor and intelligence. I also see talent. Loads and loads of talent. I see confidence, but it’s hiding way deep down in there. I see a ton of people who care about you and who love you for reasons other than your face. I see you.”

“Rina, I hope you know you just described yourself.”

*Facepalmits gonna be okay*

It took her a while to accept the fact that not only was she beautiful on the outside, but on the inside as well.

If you can relate and feel you are not pretty, or handsome…

Walk over to the nearest mirror right now. Look into it. Smile and say “Hey there beautiful (or handsome)!”

You akeep holding onre important.

You are loved.

You are valued.

You are beautiful!

You may have a little trouble seeing it from time to time but, just keep doing it. Eventually you will see that truth and you will believe it.  😉

Until next time!

~ Rina Raj

Sources:  https://www.afsp.org/understanding-suicide/facts-and-figures

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So I’m Surviving High School… TIME TO START A CULT!

Hi everyone! Sorry it’s taken so long for me to write you all. Thank you for all the likes, shares and comments on my last post! 🙂

After being in high school for five weeks now, I’ve come to notice that we often carry labels.

There are the cheerleaders, who are well known and popular.labels

There are the theatre, band and chorus geeks, who aren’t as popular, but if one of them have landed a lead role or solo, they automatically get much attention.

There are the nerds, who utilize the lunch period as a study session.

There are the “emo” kids, who dress in dark colors and don’t typically socialize.

There are thebullying bullies, who walk around picking on whoever is in their way for no particular reason.

There are victims who typically walk with their heads down and avoid everyone.

There are the jocks, who usually play football and are admired by some of the guys and eyed by most of the girls.

And then there are the loners who sit by a wall during lunch period and spend that time by themselves.

The list can go on, and on, and on.

Most of these labels also have certain stereotypes that go along with them.

We often assume that the cheerleaders and jocks are dumb.music

We think the fine art geeks spend their free time spouting Shakespeare, learning a new instrument and breaking out in spontaneous song (not that they don’t).

We assume that the nerds are born smart.  And the loners have no social life, spending all their time locked in a room staring at the ceiling.

We think the bullies are jerks for no reason, and that the victims are targeted for just existing.

And we are so, so certain that the “emo” kids are planning to destroy the school and start a cult one day.

Almost none of those stereotypes are accurate.

Rarely will you meet a jock or cheerleader that doesn’t have all A’s and B’s. They have to in order to stay on their teams.

The nerds often study because they don’t understand the material and they don’t want to fail their classes. And the loners are probably some of the most funny and outgoing people you will ever meet.

While the performing crew do love to sing, dance and act, they have lives outside of that as well, and the day you spot a group of them spontaneously break out into song, please video tape that and share it! 😉

Bullies have reasons for picking on other kids, even if they aren’t valid.  We don’t know their story, for everyone we meet is fighting a hard battle.

The “emo” kids may come across as hating the world (and some of them do), but most of them still sleep with stuffed animals and are the most harmless people ever. While they may joke about starting a cult of some sort, none of them would actually do it.

beyoutifulIn reality, none of these labels or stereotypes are correct. Take me for example: I’m heavily involved when it comes to theatre and chorus, I’m friends with a few cheerleaders, I wear a lot of black and glare at people, I’m a victim of bullying, I sit by a wall during lunch, spend break by myself and I love to read.

That doesn’t make me a cross between all the labels. It just makes me… Me!

Labels are just that, labels. They don’t define who you are. Because you are you. And you’re unique and special, just the way you are.

Have you ever been labeled as one of the above? Or have you labeled someone? Share your own experiences in the comments below and let’s discuss! 🙂

Also, in an effort to be more stable with my blog posts, I’m going to attempt to post every Tuesday. Typical Tuesdays.

Also, do you have any interesting topics you’d like to read about?  Send your ideas my way!

Until next time!

(And by the way, the only cult I’m starting is a study group for Human Geography… 😉 )

– Rina Raj

Hello High School? Yaaaayy??

image3Hi everyone! Thank you for all the wonderful comments on my last post! 🙂

So last week Monday, I started high school. I’ll admit, for the past month or so, I’ve been scared out of my mind about meeting new teachers, new people, having to talk to others and make new friends. Also, the schedule is so different compared to what I’ve been used to in middle school.

For starters, I now have to wake up at 5 a.m. in order to make it to school on time. Also, there is no day during the week whatsoever where we get to attend all of our classes in sequential order. 7th period, usually the last class during the day, ends up as our mid-block class during lunch.

image4 (1)On that first day of school, the teachers got right into the material and started teaching. And they meant business!

I had an essay in English as my summer reading test that Thursday, and a syllabus quiz in Biology as well.

image5On Friday, I had a test in Human Geography on the locations of all the countries on the globe. And despite studying for over a month, all I had mastered was Asia!  :/

My elective classes consist of theater and choir.

image6Theatre is very basic so far and we haven’t done anything acting related just yet. But I have learned that the school’s spring production will be a musical that is none other then Into the Woods! I’ve been obsessed with this musical for quite some time and recently, I saw the movie and fell in love with Cinderella’s role.

I’ve decided I want to audition!

Now, part of entering high school is also making new friends, and I’m not the most social person to say the least.

The first three days of school, I only spoke to individuals that I knew from middle school and during lunch, I made sure to find my best friend and we sort of isolated ourselves from everyone.

Thursday however, this one guy had a guitar with him and was sitting alone on a bench playing and writing music. I looked to my friend and she had already gotten up to go listen to him play. I’ll admit, I sort of hid (hid meaning I let my hair hang over my face and put my hood on).

I tried to hear what song he was playing, but he was too far away from me. Eventually, I decided to go over there so I could hear him better. By the time I’d walked over, he was done playing and had given the guitar to my friend so she could play something.

image2 (2)Within minutes, we had informed him that we were in a band together and quite into music as well. The three of us instantly became friends talking about music for the remainder of lunch. It was actually very fun!

Then, in gym, I was introduced to a friend of a friend and we instantly bonded over our love of cupcakes and our hate of most sports.

I was so proud of myself for being social and actually talking to students I didn’t know. It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. 😀

I learned that it isn’t so bad to be social once in a while. You never know what you may learn from others, and how that new friendship may benefit you.

Were you ever in a situation where you decided to spontaneously be social? How did your first week of school go and how are you adapting? Did you make any new friends? I would love to hear about it!

Until next time! 🙂

~ Rina Raj