An Open Letter to Haley

hello-decemberHi guys, happy December! Get ready for excessive Christmas carols, tons of hot cocoa and random mistletoe! 🙂

If you’re wondering why I’ve been MIA again, let me just share that I’ve been working behind the scenes on my first ever musical with school, performing in Disney’s Candlelight Processional, becoming very familiar with two of Shakespeare’s plays and doing lots and lots and lots of – you guessed it! Homework!

Perhaps I’ll share more on that in another post. In the meantime…candlelight

This post is something I’ve been wanting to write for quite some time. This past May, my best friend (we’ll call her Haley) decided to end our friendship.

Haley and I had been best friends since 6th grade and she easily became a part of my family. Middle school was a rocky road and though we had many disagreements, we always managed to come back stronger and become even more inseparable during our friendship.

high-school-is-the-time-to-find-yourselfLast school year, she and I both underwent many changes. Both of our personalities, views and morals changed significantly and we found ourselves disagreeing on many things in life. We each “found ourselves” and while I didn’t see the change in myself during those times, I did see that Haley was a completely different person.

She was more positive, uplifting and spiritual. She knew how to recover from hard times quickly and she didn’t let negative things drag her down for more than a day, something that I am only learning how to do now.

During the last several months of our friendship, we began to grow apart. And while I understood that we were becoming different people, I didn’t understand what was happening when Haley stopped talking to me.

sos my fave person disappeared.pngThere was no warning. One day we were fine talking about everything under the sun and the next day she wouldn’t speak to me nor look at me.

As the days continued just like that, I was confused. And so, I tried calling her a number of times. After not receiving any responses, I settled on sending her an email explaining to her how confused I was and how much this was affecting me emotionally.

She finally replied, but her response didn’t help to ease my pain at all. She put everything on me, and basically said I had been a bad friend to her. According to her, I complained too much and she didn’t need my negative energy in her life.

Ever since I received her response, I’ve pondered over what I could’ve possibly done wrong and I’ve become paranoid about venting to much of my current friends in fear of “complaining too much”.

letting-go-does-not-mean-giving-upAll in all, I’ve let this affect me way longer than just one day. I told myself that it was okay to cry over this and that it was okay to feel sad because I’d lost someone that had been a huge part of my life for three and a half years. After watching myself grow sad on a daily basis this past month and losing motivation to do anything productive, I decided that letting go of Haley is past due.

The time has come. And the time is now.

And so, I’ve decided that today will be the last time I’ll vent about Haley and feel sad about the situation. From now on, everything involving Haley will be viewed as a happy memory, because I have allowed myself to be consumed by this and it’s time that I go back to being the strong girl I’ve known myself to be.

My open letter to Haley.

Hey Haley, 

I hope life is going well and that sophomore year has been good to you so far. I’ve been alright, but I haven’t been the same since we stopped talking. I didn’t have the closure that I needed to get through losing such an important person in my life. 

Sometimes, I still feel like everything was my fault even though I know it really isn’t, because it takes two to create a friendship, maintain a friendship and even break a friendship.

I’ve thought about it, whether or not I was a good friend to you. I listened to you. I kept your secrets. I let you vent to me whenever you needed to. I helped build you up and reminded you to be confident. Not once have I ever tried to tear you down. I let you become a part of my family. I allowed you to cry on my shoulder. I was a column of support to you.

None of that screams “bad friend” in my opinion. 

If what I offered to you as a friend was not enough for you, then that’s okay. I’m sorry that you felt our friendship needed to end, and I apologize for the constant complaints throughout some difficult times of my life, but you were my best friend, the closest person to me, and I thought that friends were there so you could vent to them, have them to help you feel better, and not make you feel guilty for being sad from day to day.

take-chances-make-mistakesWe both have flaws, Haley. Neither one of us are perfect. Both of us had bad days.

We both complained.

We both vented.

We both made mistakes.

But that’s all a part of growing up. We make mistakes so we can grow from them, learn from them and move forward.

If I knew the reasons as to why you chose to stop talking to me, perhaps I could’ve learned something and grown from those reasons too. 

You walked out of my life so quickly and with no warning, like it was nothing. It didn’t seem to affect you in the slightest. It felt like I didn’t even matter to you.

But you mattered to me a lot. I’ve spent 7 months missing your friendship. 7 months wondering. 7 months afraid to get close to any other friends because I’m scared that they too will disappear with no warning. 

Even though I don’t know what my mistakes were, I’m so frightened that I’ll make the same ones.

7 months is 7 months too many, and I’ve decided that regardless of having no closure and not knowing what went wrong, I have to let you go. 

And so, I want to thank you.

Thank you for building me up when I needed you and being my support system even late at night. You were such a blessing to have in my life and I will always cherish the memories and the inside jokes that no one else will ever understand.

And even though it hurts so much to say this, thank you for showing me who my real friends are.

I hope you find what you’re looking for in life and that the people you surround yourself with are as positive as you wanted me to be.

positive-vibesI’m finding my positivity ever so slowly, and it all starts with letting you go.

I know it will all be okay.

Blessed be,

~ Rina Raj

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Haley

  1. I know how it feels to loose a friend in a blink of an eye, and its not easy. It is a good thing you didn’t let it affect you, because in the end it is going to feel much worse. You should feel proud that you were able to confront her about how you felt.

    Like

  2. I’m so glad that you didn’t let this affect you for that long. I know how it feels to loose a close friend. Loosing a friend is part of being a better person. Just remember that you have other friends(especially me(: lol jk) who are going to be there and love u a tons❤️

    Like

  3. (my opinion, and my opinion only:)

    Part of being human is to have negative emotions towards situations. ‘Negativity’ won’t suddenly disappear just because you want it to: it’s everywhere; it’s unavoidable.

    How you deal with negativity is the important thing; if you get angry at someone for ‘negativity’, then aren’t you also spreading negativity yourself?

    Letting go of people for petty reasons is simply a lack of empathy…and apathy is *certainly* negative.

    And, again, often times, we ‘find’ ourselves in high school; however, that doesn’t mean we don’t continue to develop and change. Maybe they’ll change their mind about this subject in a year or five; who knows.

    However, despite everything, it’s imperative that you find happiness in the people around you and the things you do. Now, that doesn’t mean that the occasional little fight won’t break out…but it shouldn’t have a significant impact on your mentality or life (:

    Part of positivity is learning how to disregard and look beyond negativity and learn why people act/say the things they say. People don’t act negatively just to act negatively…it must mean they’re depressed, misunderstood, or just bothered by something. And, as a friend, you should comfort them and tell them to think about what will really will matter in 20 years: no, not your little arguments; your *mentality* and *morals* will matter. If you maintain a good mentality, then nothing will completely bring you down: and, that doesn’t mean you have to do a 180 on your life. Gradual and minute changes are very much acceptable :)) Healing takes time, after all.

    And, to conclude things, I state that you should always be yourself, no matter what. Want to rant to me about how stupid your teacher is? Go ahead. Want to talk to me about how you’re not feeling well? Alrighty. Want to tell me that your life is going as planned? Sure, as long as you are learning from your mistakes.

    Positivity isn’t really about how nice you are or how ignorant you are to the world’s and people’s problems: it’s about accepting that they’re present, and trying your best to do everything right (according to morals) despite the problems that occur in your life.

    If you glance upon the world and determine its fate as tragic, then you are blind. When you truly open your eyes, you will then discover that your mind was seeking out problems that don’t really exist— and that the world is actually a beautiful place because it continues to develop and learn from mistakes.

    The population of this world is trying its hardest to survive and gain rights for every type of person out there; even small victories are huge steps. The world is great because it evolves…not because it’s perfect.

    Like

Leave a Confession

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s